Jul/10/2008 - 08:48:39 pm
Times Past
A while ago I got a hate letter from a person of whom I once called brother. It was sent to me right after the GIX NewsLetter came out. I must admit I didn’t read the whole email usually I don’t when it comes to things like that, I read the first line and the last, the idea is there and I really don’t need the extra stress.
On the last line, he mentions that he doesn’t think I even have KS (Klinefelter’s Syndrome). I thought about that last line and I remember a time where when that was said to me I got really enraged by the thought that I would lie about something like that. After all I’ve been through from it’s initial discovery and the following self discovery and doing away with the anger, that a mention could take that away was preposterous.
That doesn’t even affect me anymore. I laugh it off and calmly take out everything that this person has written me over time and delete it along with whatever email addresses were gathered and just wipe that person out of my life completely. I chalk it up to a time well spent with a lesson attached to it at the end. That file is now closed and chucked giving way to other files that are open and growing.
It’s too bad that people put labels on others because as soon as that label changes, then the person is no longer a use and treated with indignity. How sad is that ? It says more of the person doing the labelling than the one being labelled. As soon as my opinion changes to better benefit myself, others fall by the wayside. It is then that you find who your real friends are. This can be a hard lesson and also a relief. Once I had come out as being Intersex, others of whom I shared a commonality with then turned their backs and gnashed their teeth at me like they did at others who were different as well. I feel sorry for them for their blindness and their impenetrable walls. Jealously could also be a factor but that is not for me to determine.
At one time I felt bad for us as friends when we had a fight and we hadn’t chatted for a while, I always gave him a chance to redeem himself later with just a simple word :”Sorry”. That simple word speaks volumes to me, it means that what was once said in a fit now is a signal of remorse and that it is desired for the relationship to be repaired. Giving a chance to another person also meant that I had been given a chance to redeem myself because there is always two sides to every downfall, I am not blameless.
This feeling of loss has come to pass now and although I miss the thought of feeling close to this person I grieve more that a callous has formed around the vulnerability. Does that mean that I am invulnerable ? I would like to think not, I think it’s more to the point that I discern better but even then I will be caught off guard at times and that is also a shame because then the calloused spot will become tougher.
Where will this end up, will I be “hard” in my later years ?
I hope not.
On the last line, he mentions that he doesn’t think I even have KS (Klinefelter’s Syndrome). I thought about that last line and I remember a time where when that was said to me I got really enraged by the thought that I would lie about something like that. After all I’ve been through from it’s initial discovery and the following self discovery and doing away with the anger, that a mention could take that away was preposterous.
That doesn’t even affect me anymore. I laugh it off and calmly take out everything that this person has written me over time and delete it along with whatever email addresses were gathered and just wipe that person out of my life completely. I chalk it up to a time well spent with a lesson attached to it at the end. That file is now closed and chucked giving way to other files that are open and growing.
It’s too bad that people put labels on others because as soon as that label changes, then the person is no longer a use and treated with indignity. How sad is that ? It says more of the person doing the labelling than the one being labelled. As soon as my opinion changes to better benefit myself, others fall by the wayside. It is then that you find who your real friends are. This can be a hard lesson and also a relief. Once I had come out as being Intersex, others of whom I shared a commonality with then turned their backs and gnashed their teeth at me like they did at others who were different as well. I feel sorry for them for their blindness and their impenetrable walls. Jealously could also be a factor but that is not for me to determine.
At one time I felt bad for us as friends when we had a fight and we hadn’t chatted for a while, I always gave him a chance to redeem himself later with just a simple word :”Sorry”. That simple word speaks volumes to me, it means that what was once said in a fit now is a signal of remorse and that it is desired for the relationship to be repaired. Giving a chance to another person also meant that I had been given a chance to redeem myself because there is always two sides to every downfall, I am not blameless.
This feeling of loss has come to pass now and although I miss the thought of feeling close to this person I grieve more that a callous has formed around the vulnerability. Does that mean that I am invulnerable ? I would like to think not, I think it’s more to the point that I discern better but even then I will be caught off guard at times and that is also a shame because then the calloused spot will become tougher.
Where will this end up, will I be “hard” in my later years ?
I hope not.
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