Jun/04/2008
The Man, the Woman and the Child
Complicated this world is. Even more so being complicated people as we all are.
Each one of us being of a condition or a norm have an inner child and an opposite sexed characteristic. Some come to recognise these as parts of their own being, others don’t even think about it as being separate entities and still others do. As a person who was in constant turmoil with himself, I needed help and not from the medical community who would rather see me as a medicated nut rather than helping me deal with the different aspects of myself. The combination of all these aspects make the one whole and self reliant.
In the quest of knowing myself better, I had gone through a number of phases that would send most norms reeling. I had to break myself inner self down and see those characteristics for whom they really are. Not only was I brought up as a man, I was a woman as well and the inner child was left to it’s own devices, something of which the Child had no idea on how to handle. Had I gone into the quest of getting to know myself as only a man’s point of view, I certainly would not have gotten very far as men have blind spots, things they do not want to discuss never mind face nor deal with. The same holds true for women and certainly children fit in that category as well.
I liken getting to know myself as getting to know an engine, a mechanical device to make a machine move and create strength to fulfill a purpose like a tractor or a car. This engine is made up of a combination of very different parts nothing of which looks like the other and yet hey all work together creating energy for a purpose. Imagine taking out the fuel injection and asking this machine to work, it won’t happen. Maybe not so significant, a bolt holding the alternator or the fuel pump, take that out and we have a heap of scrap just sitting there. Say one or two parts of this engine is out of sync with another, well you get a very lopsided firing sequence and the energy would be ill spent. Say some of the parts needed refining to make this engine work better. Well, you would have to take the piece out , work on it and put it back.
I find that is the same with a character that is firing out of sequence or isn’t working well, functional but not to it’s peak efficiency. I had to define the parts of me that make me a person and break them down to individual pieces, the Man, the Woman and the Child. They are capitalized because they are of a significance.
To start, as humans we need to label things so that we can effectively communicate our thoughts to another, such as a fluid receptacle could be a cup and then specifically a tea or coffee cup describing the fluid it normally retains. So too must we label the parts of us that contain the specific characteristic that make up the whole. Here our imagination takes over for the purpose of this essay, I will call the Man, Andre, the Woman, Konalia and the child, Achie (pronounced Akee).
Achie was insecure, not knowing whether Andre or Konelia would take care of him, meeting his needs of closeness and of love. That was solved with the introduction of a teddy bear, something of which was missing, more than the actual stuffed toy. When I was a child. I was sickly and like the story of the Velveteen Rabbit, all my stuffies were taken away in fear that they hid the dust molecules that inhibited my breathing due to Asthma. So security and a “friend” to talk to and hug hadn’t been present. It was greatly missed and I finally figured that out when I had my own child. When we introduced “Dolly” to her, my daughter hugged it all the time, it was in her everyday events. It was so important to her that if left by accident elsewhere, my wife and I would have to turn back to get it. With the introduction of a bear, Achie again felt loved and secure, a friend to have to talk to and made no judgements on him but kept on loving him the way he was/is.
Konelia was another matter. I had a distinct pining, a crying or wailing going on inside me for the longest time. I tried to stifle it by numbing myself to which it made matters worse. The woman inside me wasn’t being let out, addressed and given significance to. I had to get to know her and ease her pain, as a Man, this is daunting and definitely the values of this world would not give me the tools to deal with this situation. It was until I had given her a name, that the pain started to subside. I had to get to know her and let her be part of my life, my everyday life. I actually had to recognise that I am she and she is me. That took a lot of doing, thinking positively help a great deal as I took every stumbling block and saw something positive in it and presented to my other so that we could work on it together.
Andre is the Man, the strength, the logical one, the one that delegates and makes things happen through consultation with others outside and inside of himself. He is the one that takes all the negative and is the manager of people and situations to the best of his ability. He has been the constant, the one dealing with his own family situations and screaming to be let out of his involvement with his birth family as they drove him to drink. He took on more of the hostilities inflicted upon him but he knew it would have been easier if he had gotten to know his co-habitants.
Konelia is the backbone and the one with the compassion and empathy and Achie is the playful one, very devious in his vocabulary always playing the game, never letting up. All were given their chance to be known through some people that helped them out such as my wife, who encouraged us all separately and together. I must say Tom/Ms.G helped as well by showing me how to identify and talk to myself/selves and helping to show me how to give myself a God honest chance but never taking myself too seriously.
With that, the Man, the Woman and the Child are one. A whole. It doesn’t end there, it continues as situations come and more challenges emerge. I think this time, I am more prepared to meet them than I ever have been.
Do you have an inner Child, Man or Woman that needs recognition ?
Andre
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