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Thanks, Boz. You have always been ...

2008-04-27 @ 07:32:13 pm
by Andre


Happy to be there with you ...

2008-04-27 @ 07:05:37 pm
by Boz


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Jun/04/2008 

The Man, the Woman and the Child


Complicated this world is. Even more so being complicated people as we all are.


Each one of us being of a condition or a norm have an inner child and an opposite sexed characteristic. Some come to recognise these as parts of their own being, others don’t even think about it as being separate entities and still others do. As a person who was in constant turmoil with himself, I needed help and not from the medical community who would rather see me as a medicated nut rather than helping me deal with the different aspects of myself. The combination of all these aspects make the one whole and self reliant.

In the quest of knowing myself better, I had gone through a number of phases that would send most norms reeling. I had to break myself inner self down and see those characteristics for whom they really are. Not only was I brought up as a man, I was a woman as well and the inner child was left to it’s own devices, something of which the Child had no idea on how to handle. Had I gone into the quest of getting to know myself as only a man’s point of view, I certainly would not have gotten very far as men have blind spots, things they do not want to discuss never mind face nor deal with. The same holds true for women and certainly children fit in that category as well. 

I liken getting to know myself as getting to know an engine, a mechanical device to make a machine move and create strength to fulfill a purpose like a tractor or a car. This engine is made up of a combination of very different parts nothing of which looks like the other and yet hey all work together creating energy for a purpose. Imagine taking out the fuel injection and asking this machine to work, it won’t happen. Maybe not so significant, a bolt holding the alternator or the fuel pump, take that out and we have a heap of scrap just sitting there. Say one or two parts of this engine is out of sync with another, well you get a very lopsided firing sequence and  the energy would be ill spent. Say some of the parts needed refining to make this engine work better. Well, you would have to take the piece out , work on it and put it back.

I find that is the same with a character that is firing out of sequence or isn’t working well, functional but not to it’s peak efficiency. I had to define the parts of me that make me a person and break them down to individual pieces, the Man, the Woman and the Child. They are capitalized because they are of a significance.

To start, as humans we need to label things so that we can effectively communicate our thoughts to another, such as a fluid receptacle could be a cup and then specifically a tea or coffee cup describing the fluid it normally retains. So too must we label the parts of us that contain the specific characteristic that make up the whole. Here our imagination takes over for the purpose of this essay, I will call the Man, Andre, the Woman, Konalia and the child, Achie (pronounced Akee).

Achie was insecure, not knowing whether Andre or Konelia would take care of him, meeting his needs of closeness and of love. That was solved with the introduction of a teddy bear, something of which was missing, more than the actual stuffed toy. When I was a child. I was sickly and like the story of the Velveteen Rabbit, all my stuffies were taken away in fear that they hid the dust molecules that inhibited my breathing due to Asthma. So security and a “friend” to talk to and hug hadn’t been present. It was greatly missed and I finally figured that out when I had my own child. When we introduced “Dolly” to her, my daughter hugged it all the time, it was in her everyday events. It was so important to her that if left by accident elsewhere, my wife and I would have to turn back to get it. With the introduction of a bear, Achie again felt loved and secure, a friend to have to talk to and made no judgements on him but kept on loving him the way he was/is. 

Konelia was another matter. I had a distinct pining, a crying or wailing going on inside me for the longest time. I tried to stifle it by numbing myself to which it made matters worse. The woman inside me wasn’t being let out, addressed and given significance to. I had to get to know her and ease her pain, as a Man, this is daunting and definitely the values of this world would not give me the tools to deal with this situation. It was until I had given her a name, that the pain started to subside. I had to get to know her and let her be part of my life, my everyday life. I actually had to recognise that I am she and she is me. That took a lot of doing, thinking positively help a great deal as I took every stumbling block and saw something positive in it and presented to my other so that we could work on it together.

Andre is the Man, the strength, the logical one, the one that delegates and makes things happen through consultation with others outside and inside of himself. He is the one that takes all the negative and is the manager of people and situations to the best of his ability. He has been the constant, the one dealing with his own family situations and screaming to be let out of his involvement with his birth family as they drove him to drink. He took on more of the hostilities inflicted upon him but he knew it would have been easier if he had gotten to know his co-habitants. 

Konelia is the backbone and the one with the compassion and empathy and Achie is the playful one, very devious in his vocabulary always playing the game, never letting up. All were given their chance to be known through some people that helped them out such as my wife, who encouraged us all separately and together. I must say Tom/Ms.G helped as well by showing me how to identify and talk to myself/selves and helping to show me how to give myself a God honest chance but never taking myself too seriously. 

With that, the Man, the Woman and the Child are one. A whole. It doesn’t end there, it continues as situations come and more challenges emerge. I think this time, I am more prepared to meet them than I ever have been. 

Do you have an inner Child, Man or Woman that needs recognition ?

 


Andre

Andre · 8 views · 0 comments
Categories: Thoughts

Jun/04/2008 

Silence


I have been thinking about this for quite some time. It came to me when I was sitting watching the young dancers strut their stuff up upon the stage where my daughter was in the wings waiting to take her turn with the rest of her team at a dance competition. I loved the interpretations people came up with especially those who felt the music flow through them. They wore the songs as they twisted and manipulated them to give the song life, almost like you could reach out and touch it, perhaps hold it. Like water, their flow ended when the music was over. 

A song came up and I don’t remember if it was the name of the song, a refrain or something that I felt at that very moment. The word “Silence” came up and immediately I felt at peace, almost an exuberant peace. I thought about it a bit more as the song was playing and made a mention to myself that I have to write about this.  

Silence…the one thing I strived for. The reason I took up fishing, mechanics and purposely being genuinely interested in people, all for that one fleeting moment where silence is comforting and shared. It represents flow, a hum that equalizes the noise in a body, a restful place if only for the moment. 

Silence can only come from oneself for when it is imposed, it can be a menace, a restriction to what should be spoken and shouted. It can hang on like a manacle, binding your every move, every thought and every action. It can be the result of fear, of anxiety and of values imposed upon us. It can be a dramatic end, an explosive beginning or a pause of reflection of something that has come to pass. It is used and manipulated in speech and in action, a binding of a cause and effect and a realisation of impending doom or an onslaught. 

Not to be confused with “Quiet”, silence is powerfully vibrant, it has qualities many a person strive for and many others fear. It is something that we all need as a diet and expel as a poison. A Society’s silence is daunting, it holds it’s own values in an unspoken box that cannot be broken but only chipped away at and the missing pieces replaced.

Silence is what kept people from speaking out, from being heard and from passing on their heart felt being to another for the fear of being repulsed and put into silence once more. I use silence for many purposes some of which are mentioned and I look forward to seeing it as I have time to reflect, to think and to come to conclusions.

I can spend time in silence for long periods and get easily frustrated when it is broken as a passing thought has fluttered away only to be glimpsed upon at a later time but never fully felt as I initially did.

I vowed to break certain silences where man and beast have suffered immeasurable loss and it makes me angry to think that others can impose themselves thinking that they are the powerful ones, the decision makers and the rulers of all internal and external life. Those are the negative thoughts that inhabit me and it takes all I can muster to come to a positive place where silence is again my friend. 

I have help, heaps of it. I get it from others that lend their katra to me for a time so that I can once again begin to heal unknowingly to others and without presence. The essences of me that had been once screaming are now looking forward to when we can swim with each other once more for the benefit of all, carefully equalizing each other in sweet water that holds compassionate love.  

All this…     




…in silence.  

Andre
Andre · 8 views · 0 comments
Categories: Thoughts

May/14/2008 

What are Congenital Gender Variations ?


Some of us hear the above title and immediately think this is only for Intersex and “other”  conditions.


Not so. Let’s break the wording down.

“Congenital” basically means of what we were born with. When I looked up congenital in the Word documents’ thesaurus, they describe it as present at birth, innate, inborn, inherited and hereditary. There is all kinds of Congenital variations including Congenital Heart palpitations, congenital blood disease, congenital diabetes, and so forth. These are examples of something that runs in a family. Then there are the non-heredity conditions such as Klinefelter’s syndrome, limb variations, Turner’s Syndrome and personality traits for an example.

Gender Variations  - most think of it as anything outside of the binary xx and xy but in fact it is all the genetic chromosomes. Think of it, xx is a variation as is xxy, xo, xxyy, xxxy, xyy, xy and so on. Even xxy is not in the binary but perhaps a combination of xy and xx or a gender variation in itself, the arguments go on forever. With the chromosome out of the ordinary binary system, we get those who have combined genders (not unheard of in the realm of xxy) or a predominant gender. 

There is nothing to fear because in essence, this is the way the societies were built from. Some keep their gender a secret, some reveal only a certain part and some go all out and expose themselves to the menace of the world and society regardless. It’s all good.

In ancient times to present, those with two genders were revelled by mysticism and treated special or burned at the stake. Indian legend talks about a “two spirit” and were sought after to become their spiritual leaders in the forms of medicine men or women. There is a definite advantage to being a two spirit, they can understand not only the two distinct genders, but see the world though a combined thought which encompasses not only the male and female, but an extra understanding. The world can certainly use more of those as each gender have blinders to certain things.

So really, we are all a Congenital Gender variation, even those who are born xy male and born xx female. 

I think it’s time we stop assuming what relatively new things are and start looking into what their function(s) are without frightful assumptions that only serve to push people away without reason.
Andre · 7 views · 0 comments
Categories: Thoughts

May/09/2008 

About me


This will basically be a short intro as I am working on something a bit more comprehensive.

My name is Andre and presently I am 46 years of age. I was diagnosed at age 22 with Klinefelter's syndrome and was prescribed way too much (T)estosterone. My journey from there was a roller coaster of good high points in my life and some very low points. I was an angry person with everything to prove, always looking behind my back as to who would want something of me.

I am not that frightened anymore and I had changed my ways a while back when I came onto an XXY site that made me take a good hard look at myself. I decided then to be positive without my eyes closed.

Three to fours years later, I had opened my own sites and keep on bringing the message that everyone is important to someone, including themselves because that is what I had concluded with myself.

I am an open person who loves to hear for others for a good conversation. There is one thing I cannot stand is inebriated people trying to talk to me. I don't even play any game that suits their fancy as the game would not be a fair one. I love a challenge but not under the influence of anything. I did too much of that and had developed a distaste for it.

So, aside from that, I love talking to all kinds of people. I welcome any questions about anything including Klinefelter's and Intersex.

More about those later.

Andre

Andre · 8 views · 0 comments
Categories: A bit about me

Apr/27/2008 

Torn


I would like to make my bio but I have done that so many times and in different places that I have lost the eagerness of doing so again. Instead, I would like to talk about the last couple of days. Some would see it as strife of another sort, I prefer to see all of as a learning experience and something thought provoking.

We have a neighbor here in our complex that is divorced from his wife. She lives not too far from here. Jointly, they created a wonderful son. This boy comes over here a lot as he and my daughter are good, no, best friends. There is sadness in his eyes most times, like a pain or a heart wrench. I don't think even he is aware of that. I know where it comes from.

His father loves him very much and it shows at times. He showers this boy with gifts that either was wished for or was thought of. His mother does the same in not knowing her you would think that she is struggling for his love as his father is. In the way his father talks about her makes it seem that she is certifiable.

The distinct problem is that the boy cannot take whatever gifts given to the other parents place. He goes one week to his father and the other to his mother. I often wonder if he has a home to call his own. In fact, I wonder if he has anything to call his own. His father buys him clothes in which the boy feels uncomfortable in and cannot take it with him to his mother's. This situation is sad; he has nothing to call his own...nothing. He struggles with his self worth and often tells us of things no child must go through or think. My wife and I feel for him but we are powerless...perhaps. We know that whatever changes will come from him, an inner strength called upon. We are worried about him constantly and wonder if he will ever resolve this tearing between his mother and father, both vying for his attention not realizing that they are effectively tearing him apart.

His father does not see past his rage for the woman he regrets of marrying, I wonder if he sees his son as an object to pull and push to get the father's own means. He denies the son whatever the son would like, what he is good at, all because his mother was the one that paid for the activity.

This torments me to see that, I can't even imagine the boy's thoughts.

Recently, my wife and I bought him a bear from Build a Bear Workshop. He chose it and made it and gave it life. He loves that bear from the first time he held it and he couldn't believe how much he could love something. I had tears flowing as I saw myself in this boy hugging that bear and loving it, never letting it go. We told him that this was his bear and no one could take it away, he can bring it wherever he goes...it's his.

When it came time to go to his mother's again, his father withheld the bear as he did with everything else. The boy was silent and said nothing. As my daughter was with him at the mother's house, we got a call of what had transpired. My wife and I finished our business in a neighboring town and quickly went over to the father's apartment to ask for the bear. The father was not happy to comply with my wife pleading for the bear. We explained to him that the bear belonged to the boy and that we had bought it for him. Fits of caged rage was visible as mutterings of him being manipulated rang throughout his apartment as he fetched the bear and threw it at us. No matter, said my wife, we have the bear.

We brought the bear to the boy at his mother's house and the two cried, the bear and he in their reunion. The boy never let go and neither did the bear. The quickly fell asleep with each other.

The father would not talk to us after that, this is day two. I am very angry at him for he does not see what he is doing to his son, the demands he is putting on him. In effect, he is losing him every time they are together on his weeks with him.

My rage, anger and feeling over this situation pales to what the boy must be feeling. I wish I could fix this but I have to solve it within myself that this cannot be fixed with our influence, it must come with the boy.

When will he resolve this and how will this be played? Will he be ready and how will he be affected?

Disturbingly, I don't know these answers.

Andre · 11 views · 0 comments
Categories: Thoughts

Apr/24/2008 

Intersexions Cafe - helping with a purpose.


www.Intersexions.org


When Curtis Hinkle, President of the Organisation Internationale Intersexe (OII), had come to me after seeing GendersInX to create a site for Intersex exclusively, I was really excited about it. Not only was I contributing to a great cause, I was getting more experience in making a site and handling all it’s functions.

The idea was to make a site for the French speaking population which primarily existed in France. So a member of the Google groups, that the OII run, decided to start if off by opening a forum from forumotions, a server that I had never considered. After handing this to me, I started on the graphics with the aid of a dear friend of mine, another xxy who had talent and the tools for such a task. Curtis asked to have this site in the setting of a Café. This site was called Café Intersexe.

This was a challenge for me as the entire site was French. Although I do speak and read French in my secular work, this was something a little different as it was Parisian French, a whole different ball game than from the Quebec French. But things went along smoothly and in no time was it open for conversations while the graphics and technical details were finalised.


As I was excited about this site, I had asked Curtis whether he would like the same in the English board. The answer was yes and so I started on it. This one is called Intersexions Café as I thought everyone from around the world will be convening on this one site. The graphical themes were set accordingly. Again my dear friend had helped me on some things that were out of my realm or reach even.


You know that famous shoe that drops ? It was in a form of a cement shoe in the Intersexe Café where members of that forum were quite disrespectful towards other members and the atmosphere quickly became poison. No matter how hard Curtis and I tried, the people there were insistent that prejudice was to be a part of their posts. It soon became apparent that this site would not work and so Curtis and I made steps in closing this site down. We handed it over to the trouble maker in the group and he shut it down not 5 days later due to the overwhelming responsibility that suddenly fell on his shoulders.

In a discussion, Curtis and I immediately stepped up Intersexions Café to include the most common languages such as French, Spanish and German all along that same theme. The Head Admin there, Gina, made sure that none of this nonsense in the other Café were present in the Intersexions site and it is to this day.

Presently, we are enjoying the different thoughts and conversations from all corners of the earth and I must say that site is doing very well. Curtis is ever thoughtful to give us news on what is happening around the world where Intersex is concerned and many others give their reports in a well. So we are well informed of the goings on Internationally.


It’s nice to see that we have an impact everywhere in the world, truly a feeling of belonging is to be had in www.Intersexions.org .

Andre · 10 views · 0 comments
Categories: Intersexions Cafe

Apr/24/2008 

How ParentsInX came about


www.ParentsInX.org


When GendersInX was approximately a year old under the new server, I had started to think about creating a new site just for parents of children with a Congenital Gender Variation. This would include parents who are or their children who are of 5 Alpha Reductase, Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia, Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, Klinefelter’s Syndrome and Turner’s Syndrome. 

The parents forum wasn’t seeing too much traffic in GIX and I thought that perhaps the cause was that parents would like a little privacy. In writing this concern in GendersInX, a member there who is a mother of a Turner’s Syndrome child spoke up and suggested that a new site just for parents was the way to go. I offered her moderatorship on the site and she accepted. So here I went with a new project to be excited about. 

Mamaniq and I decided that the theme of the site should be centered around the home as this is where we raise our young’uns most.  I had set this up so that the resource people in GendersInX would also have the same job function in ParentsInX (PIX for short). This way if a parent had any questions, then they would get the information first hand from a person who is of that condition. Mamaniq has good first hand experience in her child’s condition and I am a Klinefelter’s person who is daddy to a daughter (can you tell how proud I am of that ?).

To our great surprise, we had a donation given to us for this project. This gave us a great boost. Although PIX is a free forum, some things paid for are domain names, no ads, memory storage and other features that make our forums wonderfully functional. Well, things are picking up and unlike most sites, it is my feeling that parents do not want to share their story until they are assured that a site is safe and sound.  This is something that most parent sites are not assured of.

To date, we have some mothers coming on PIX and we are starting to see more conversations. I look forward to others coming on and voicing their concerns, thoughts and anecdotes. The site is definitely safe and all who enter go through a short screening process in order to be assured that the new poster is not a spammer. We are always open to suggestions, should it be noted that a forum would be apt for a discussion. 

www.ParentsInX.org exists to encourage and support all the members with a little fun mixed in.


Andre · 11 views · 0 comments
Categories: ParentsInX

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